April 2008

A. I’m addicted to Red Bull.

B. I can’t stop coughing.

C. Clartin + 2 Red Bull = The most distracted person on the planet.

Today is going to be a ridiculously long day.

9-10: Writing 3 more play reviews
10-11: Work
11-12:15- Modern Dance Final
12:15-12:30- Review Bio to talk to Griffith
12:30-1: Mtg. with Griffith
1-2: Lunch?
2-5: Calling Prosective Students
5-6: Management Mtg.
5:30-7: Half Hour ’til Showcase
7-9: Musical Theatre Performance Showcase
9: Finished Day

Last week we went to see “Death Of A Salesman” at Arena. For the first time, I finally had that moment Gregg has been talking about in class. I let myself experience the moment without thinking about the sets, the costumes, the deeper philosophical meaning behind Arthur Miller’s story. I sat in this theatre in Crystal City and had one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Finally several days later, I have thought enough about what happened to actually tell you. Disclaimer: you’re about to read some personal shit and its slightly long but since this is my blog and this is about my experience in a production, I think its okay.

The beautiful thing about theatre is you have an audience whose been running around all day and finally they come to the theatre. They sit down, the house goes dark and they see a brief moment in someone’s life presented for them on stage. They come with all of their life experiences and the experience they have in that theatre will be shaped by the experiences they bring with them. -Gregg Stull (generously paraphrased, he sounded a lot more intelligent)

So there I sat at Arena Stage and the lights dim and the life of Loman’s was presented for me. Arthur Miller is one of my all time favorite playwrights. I know “Death Of A Salesman” very well. I’ve read it, discussed it, watch the film version. I knew what to expect. Looking back, I didn’t really know what to expect.

Sometime during Act 1, there was this moment where Willy Loman is talking to himself; he crossed the stage and something about his action. All I could think of was that’s my father. My father is Willy Loman. The moment past and I tried to push it out of my mind. The fact Miller allows us to see into Willy’s dementia, to be in his mind, to see what he is seeing. It’s completely real even if in reality it isn’t. But then again, what is reality. It’s subjective.

Then after intermission, we see Linda tell Willy his sons were going to take him to dinner and he goes out into the city on his mission. When that moment happen all I could see was my family on stage. I don’t know why but suddenly I started to cry. Not sobbing (circa Talya and Emma’s experience during Next To Normal) but just tears streaming down my face. I wasn’t sniffling, that was Layton rocking the allergies. It was a type of crying I had never experienced before. I believe crying is a person’s way of processing excess emotion he or she doesn’t know how to process. I cried for the entirety of Act II. I was with the Loman’s at every step, in every moment. To explain it in further detail would cheapen this experience. During the discussion in class, I’m not sure I’ll be able to contribute.

On our way back to the vans, I overheard Mary and Mitch talking about the production. One of them said “It makes you think what if I become Willy Loman? How will my children turn out?”

What if you were raised by Willy Loman?

How will I turn out?

Last night while Michelle, Devin and I formatted our run list for Stage Management, Michelle and I reminisced about our experiences stage managing in high school.  It’s been a really long time since I thought about the shows I worked on in high school.  Its funny thinking about where I’ve been compared to where I’m heading.  If you had asked me in high school where I’d thought I’d go after graduation, I would have very quickly responded with I’m going to be a high school history teacher who is in charge of the high school theatre program.

Now, I’m going to graduate next Fall with a Bachelors of Arts in Theatre.  I’m seriously considering moving to New York City, living in Brooklyn and finding a job in Marketing or Development in a non-profit theatre.  To think I went from being so stead fast in where in becoming a teacher and now I’m not.  It’s interesting to think about.  I learned a lot in high school and I’m so, so, so lucky I took that chance in 9th grade.  It was really nice to reminisce about high school.  Thinking about my past isn’t something I do very often and I’m quite happy I did.